i was on facebook instead of studying for the finals that would make or break my standing at imsa (note: at the time, i thought i had a small chance of winning the appeal, and thus would have my withdrawal from the academy reversed. i realized, with my parents, though, that if i failed two classes, imsa would have every right to request my withdrawal for that reason. quite the predicament that missing 4 weeks of classes leaves you [i literally add over 20 absences in some classes. i think in calc based, in which i also skipped 3 classes and missed a handful due to soccer, it was approaching 30]). my class schedule contained mvc, mcb, ebe, calc based, gender studies, ceramics, and indoor/outdoor games (so essentially calc 3, ap bio, ap phys for the first 4 classes). i was in danger of failing the first 4, and had only completed about a quarter of the required projects for ceramics. dire straights indeed.
thus, the normal session of procrastination has quite a bit more riding on it than usual. i facebook stalked something on my news feed and came across the song 'street lights' by kanye west (ironically, i think i remember it being either a post or a comment on a post by sadi). i youtubed it, let it load a bit, then had it play in the background while i continued facebooking. parts of the song caught my interest, so i listened to it again, watched the music video, listened to each word, etc. this song had struck a chord within me.
i ended up listening to this song on repeat for hours.
i was quite nostalgic, realizing that i may never be able to do some of the things that i've been yearning to do, never again do my daily routine of the past two years; never be looked at in the same way. certain lyrics, such as those suggesting personal growth, and the recounting of memories, helped me cope with what going to come. i knew that the appeal was a pipe dream, that i wasn't going to return. i would need strength to move on, or at least try and let go. i feel like song helped me accomplish the latter, if not the former.
i read someone post something along the lines of "kanye doesn't rap in his new album". a friend replied to said comment by seemingly joking about how he wouldn't switch from rapping to singing while at the top of his game. to this day, i still chuckle at this comment because of what i know about kanye's situation and my own. the album 808s and heartbreak (to the best of my knowledge) was recorded and released following the death of his mother. i felt that after this experience, something died inside of me, so i felt that i could relate somewhat to what kanye was saying.
so, to sum up this piece, although kanye didn't release another rap album to appease the pop sector, the song meant a damn lot to me at the time, and feel some sort of inherent need to suppot ye on his move.
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